Survivor's Guilt

"Hello All, I want to thank everyone for their prayers and good thoughts regarding Barb and our family. The cancer has won the battle. Please pray for grace and dignity as Barb prepares for her final journey. Our love and gratitude to all that have touched our lives"-

This is a post I found on Facebook this morning.

It's about a friend of mine for 25 years, who was diagnosed with cancer this past December. They decided this weekend to begin with hospice. She is 49 years old.

I had three cancers. I've had chemotherapy and radiation. I've had all the tests in the book. I had more scans than you ever could think of. I've taken more medicine that I ever thought someone would need their entire life. Yet I am still here. My friend is 49 years old and has a 14 year old son.She would give you the shirt off her back.She is in hospice and I am still here.

Before you say anything, yes, I know there is a reason God does everything but sometimes the guilt of surviving is overwhelming. I am no saint-never was, never will be. I know that if I had "bought the farm", I wouldn't be here to take care of Mom, never would have met Jim and had the pups...but my friend is in hospice.

When she first was diagnosed, it was so hard for me to talk to her with optimism about her diagnosis. I mean, I also lost an 18 year old niece to a mid brain tumor, and unfortunately learned enough cancer buzz words along the way that I knew Barb was going to have a battle. Still, hopes springs eternal and I hoped that if anyone could beat this she would. It's not to be.

They always say it is hardest for those who are left behind.

That is the understatement of the century.

God has blessed Barb with a wonderful, loving husband and wonderful son, and soon she will be at peace.

Sleep well, Barb.

I love you. Godspeed.