It wasn't easy...

...after all, we were a 42 year old spinster and a 48 year old bachelor. Consolidating things are never easy, and when you have two households, two personalities, well, the first few months were rough.


Nine years legally later, we are still together.


We have had are share of rough patches, and as Jim says, we bypassed children, and went straight into dealing with the sick and the elderly. The last almost four years with my Mom have been no picnic, because I miss being with Jim at night.Sleeping on a sofa is just not the same.Jim's Mom is four years older than my Mom ,and recently we have seen her start to decline. We got through my two new knees but we are cultivating our own set of aches. Like other couples our age, we have had a lot of stuff on our plates.


We have watched our Zosia girl mature, and then, two years ago, got her a little sister, Kasia girl.We love them both and have had them make our day many a time, and I am sure I am also writing for Jim when I say we can't imagine our lives without them.


Most of all, I can't remember life before Jim- it feels as though we have been together forever.


As Martha Stewart would say, " It's a good thing."


Happy Anniversary Jim! Love you!

Vanilla..how do I love thee?

First all, I have to admit I am a purist.


I am a chocolate and/or vanilla person. Don't give me any funny flavors, like hazelnut. I like my flavors clean and simple. So it was a no brainer to me when I saw Folgers' Vanilla Biscotti coffee for the Keurig. I actually( yes, you should take my temperature) was looking forward to coming into the office so I could try it.


What a disappointment.
Where's the vanilla?
Hell, I put almond in my biscotti when I make them once in a while.
Not even a hint of almond.


So if you do K cups and love vanilla, don't waste your time on the Folgers' Vanilla biscotti.Buy the syrup to put in your coffee, or even better to eat a real biscotti then to be left with false advertising .

And now for station identification...

Because of what turned out to be Tropical Storm Irene, I took a breather from the blog. I had switched up with Bob for watching Mom and had her Saturday and last night, so, quite frankly, was too beat up to even think about blogging.

The flip side of this is that we are both taking this Friday off and celebrating our anniversary after the fact.It will be nice to actually be sleeping on a bed and not a sofa for a couple of days straight. In fact with Jim and Zush and Kasia in tow, it promises to be a fabulous weekend. Leisurely meals( what's that? LOL) ,good beach walks with the pups and quality time with my better half- who can ask for anything more. And none of the infamous four letter word that begins with " W"...WORK.!

I can honestly say I can't remember my life without Jim in it.
That's a good thing.

Best laid plans.....

...are often thrown back in your face by Mother Nature who just comes up in your face and says ," I don't think so!"

Thanks to Hurricane Irene,a state of emergency in New Jersey, and enforced evacuations, our weekend will be here, watching the banks of the Wissahickon flood over, I guess.The girls will, rather begrudgingly, walk with Mom in the rain to tap their kidneys.The  hopeful bright side to this is that we can catch up on some sleep.

Our anniversary plans, well, maybe there is an unwritten law we didn't know about that said you can't celebrate your anniversary until the day of or after the actual day. We'll see what we can figure out to do.

Stay safe and dry, friends, and have a good weekend!

Happy Anniversary Baby...lol

It's coming up to that time of year.

That time of years that, 12 years ago, I thought I'd never see. 
My wedding anniversary.

For those who need to catch up, my husband was a bagel baker at the time. We wanted, or should I say, we were hoping for a three day honeymoon, after all- he worked every day. So the only time we figured we could plan a wedding was around a legal holiday, as the bakery was closed on Mondays.

January?February?..nah...we figured on Labor Day, and the Saturday on the weekend that year was August 31st. Lots of good stuff for August- my Dad always had us take our vacation on the last week of August so we would be "refreshed" going back to school.I always enjoyed British history and royalty and poor Diana passed on August31st, a day I thought ,OK,I would tip my hat to her. I chose " I vow to thee, my Country", or as it was known as "Jupiter, the bringer of Jollity", by Gustav Holst, which was a song/hymn associated with Diana to walk down the aisle with. My Dad went to heaven on August 24th, but I always felt that was like he was going on his vacation week, so it was cool.

What you hope for- good weather. What I got? Beautiful weather, with help to the Sisters of Saint Joseph who were among those putting Blessed Mother statues in the window for me. I had a nice wedding, married a pretty terrific guy...life is pretty OK..

Fast forward.

I am at my desk streaming the National Weather Service on my IPhone for the weekend hurricane report. Yes, as we all know, hurricane season is here, and we were going to go to the shore for the weekend to celebrate our anniversary.My husband, like some other folks, love to see the ocean in a storm. Yes, I admit, I do too...to an extent. Hurricane Irene is due and things don't look good, yet we are, as of this moment still planning to go. Me, Jim, Zush,our 9 year old golden retriever collie mix, and her 2 year old sister, Kasia, same mix with a little chow mixed in to make it interesting, If this was earlier in our marriage, I would have thought, great! Now all I can think of is sitting with the huddled masses, that's IF we are lucky, on route 47, the main road out from our neck of the woods, moving, AGAIN, IF you are lucky,bumper to bumper, trying to get to Philadelphia...oh, and did I mention the two good dogs in the back seat and probably the torrential downpours we'll encounter?

I admit I am looking forward to it. I just wish the Marian from 5 years ago was still around to look forward to it a little more and not feel so apprehensive about it.

But it's OK. My better half, the girls, some decent food, dry clothes, adult beverages...and did I say crossed fingers? **wink**...

Who says romance is dead? ROFLMAO.....................

Dad

It was thirteen years ago today, a Monday, that my Dad left me for heaven. What made it especially bittersweet was that he was trying to hang in for a couple more months. You see, my grandfather died at 77, and my Dad was trying to make it to 78. He was short three months-Daddy's birthday was October 18th.


I said some prayers this morning for my Dad,more than I normally had been of late. He had always said to me, just say a prayer for me every day, that's all.


Miss you dreadfully Dad, but will love you forever.

How fun was clown college?

...so much fun that God decided to give us a break and throw an earthquake in the afternoon session. I always felt bad for all who were involved in 911 but kind of put a "you are there" spin on it, because once we were evacuated outside,95% of the folks I saw were on a cell trying to call family and friends, but it sure was rough to get a signal to get through.I am pretty positive that we weren't the only ones. Fortunately when I finally got through everyone was ok.


Clown college continues today for an additional 1 1/2 hours that we missed due to the quake yesterday and a supplementary 2 hours for an adjunct class. The Keurig, it goes without saying, will be working OT today.

Clown College and all its' delights

As an employee in a certain government agency, there is a class that is mandatory to maintain your professional designation and it is 8 hours long...for part 1. The second part is only 2 hours so they hold it over two days. It's about ethics in my profession. HAH! After 27 years in this position, for me this is like preaching to the choir, but it is mandatory, so my whole day schedule goes from working 7-3 to 8:30-4:30 which just rocks my world...NOT! They pull an instructor down from the state capital who ,if you look up, "I love me, who do you love" in the dictionary, would have this guys picture in it.


It goes without saying that I had Mom last night and have a bunch of paperwork from the state that I have to fill out for her.There are a few other things that have to get done, too.Ah, I am remembering this past Sunday when the only thing I had to worry about was an iced latte...those were the days! Today, the Keurig will be on and hit early and often!

The Blue Cross Shuffle

As an employee of a government agency, I was asked by my union to go out and get bloodwork done via my physician. Evidently, the members families take care of themselves, but not the actual members. OK, I can get that. And I did, get that...got blood work done, and upon completion, you are to go to the Blue Cross website and enter the numbers...where begins my problem.

When I pulled up the website, there is no clear spot or topic that says enter numbers here. I called my union: the health and welfare technician had 'no idea' as to where the numbers get entered at. She transfers me to someone who would know.Great, I think, until the voicemail clicks over to the plan administrator.**sigh**

By the time this gets resolved, want to bet some of those numbers, mainly blood pressure, go up considerably?

Finally some relaxation, albeit temporarily......

A nice Sunday morning, after being up early to walk the girls and go to Mass. Breakfast followed by some quality Inquirer time, and knowing my brother Bob is ok and back with Mom tonite...a whole Sunday to worry about, uh......the amount of ice to put into my latte..

Life, at times, can be good....
Thanks be to God!

Happy Friday..or my kingdom for a nap.

So I get to the point of the day where my back is hurting, I am tired after a night at Mom's and a long day. I am ready for a nap.

Well, I put a book on tape on my phone and put headphones on only to have what seems to be half the population of where ever talk to me, even though my eyes are shut. So, I half listen, murmur, uh-huh, and try to fall asleep. Then Zush and Kash come in and their Dad wants baby dog Kasia to give me a kiss. Uh,ok....now with all that done. I get a call from a caregiver that the hospice home health care failed to show up today.

As a result, called hospice and am waiting for a call back, am composing this blog entry and the nap, well, it's nothing a little iced latte won't cure, I guess...with lots of ice.

Have a good weekend.

Back to the coffee...( or How lazy is she?)

So one of my BFF, Denise( yes I am calling you out) is suffering this week and next while her friends at her coffee shop are on vacation. She is using my Keurig with me, and with two of us using it, we ran out of half and half. 


Denise went and put the new creamer she bought at Wawa in the refrigerator that is a little( little being the operative word here) cleaner here in the office.Does yours truly go and get the creamer for herself this morning? Nah! I used the creamer made for nuclear war that I have here at my desk.Albeit it being French Vanilla, it's still, uh, barely palatable...if only I were jones-ing for a " good" cup of coffee, I guess I wouldn't have been so lazy.


..maybe next cup...lol

Lousy

Last night and into this morning, I feel truly lousy, as in depressed.


The whole situation, regarding being a caregiver for my mother tends to take a toll once in a while. Well, now is one of those "whiles".


Things you give up while taking care of Mom? Sleeping with your spouse every night, THEN worrying about running your OWN home, worrying about running Mom's home( or what's left of it),dealing with pulling non-existing money out of a hat, trying to eek some time away for mental health, dealing with a job that is really, well, that's a separate posting in itself, among other things....


Then there is Mom, laying in her hospital bed, curled up on her side,under a flannel blanket living in her own world. Yes, I am there for you, Mom, because you were always on the other side of the bed for me.


It'll get better...I hope.

Update on the Furkids

Went to the vet yesterday after work and paid fifteen dollars for cortisone pills for Zush and Kasia. It seems that they are still scratching due to being allergic to the saliva from the flea bite.So it'll be Mommy wrapping pills up, trying to hide them to get them in the girls.


Wish me luck! :)

Thanks to one of my best buddies...

...I am enjoying a cup of coconut coffee this morning. If you grew up with coconut creme pie as I did on various holiday occasions, all you have to do is through some milk or creme in this coffee and you have a low calorie version of coconut creme pie! The smell is absolutely fabulous...thanks Denise!


Another one of my besties, Renia, talked about recording calories. It was the only thing that really help me have success in dropping my weight before. So embrace it again, yes, I will and I have Renia to thank for hitting me upside my head with that idea.


It's good to have friends.

There's a lot to be said for conditioning, I guess....

My butt is dragging.


There. I said it.


I know I am care-giving and juggling 59 things on my plate at one time, but this morning I am thinking about the last time I felt good, a.k.a., not tired.Funny how tired becomes a way of life. I successfully throw iced coffee down my throat to get my morning started, especially when I am in the office. The sad part here is why? If I dropped ten pounds, would it make me less tired? Maybe. When I was down 40 pounds, I still was tired, albeit not THIS tired. Then again, that was before my Mom got sick.


 Someday, I know there will be less things on my plate, literally and physically.


Until then, put the Keurig on and pass me some coffee.

My poor four legged children

...are currently scratching. Checking for fleas, well, I unfortunately bomb them with advantage for pest control. I am considering going natural, because ,quite frankly, I just was made aware of it.
  
Someone had called to my attention the benefits of cedar oil. I am laughing at that because our Philadelphia home has cedar trees and arbor vitae in front. Going on line to look for pricing of cedar oil,well, obviously,I need to start raising cedar trees.

If anyone knows of any other naturals remedies, please feel free to post them. I loved both my girls and hate to be poisoning them. Thanks!

Movie from a different time

While I am typing this entry, I have the movie "Working Girl" on cable. 


I remember when it first came out. I was single,young, idealistic. I was at my job for 5 years.


Twenty two years later, I am married, have almost 27 years on the job, am disillusioned as the day is long, and tired.


It's just a movie. 
Secretary gets idea squashed by boss, pretends she works with boss and handsome man helps her land deal. She has her hand tipped by boss and yet still ends up on her feet.
Only in Hollywood.


I am glad that, at 51, I am past that point of my life, i.e., trying to be someone I am not. They say with age comes wisdom. Hopefully I will have the ability to retire soon and enjoy what's left of MY life. It is good to have worked my way up.It is good to look forward to the next part of your life.

Baking fool

One thing that I always found therapeutic was baking. I am not that good at it, but I don't know. Maybe it's the action of flour, egg and mixing it that brings me some calmness. Perhaps I am thinking back to the days when Mom was able to bake. Whenever universities or hospitals make studies based on smell, I am never surprised to  read about the comfort smells of baking.

My husband WAS a bagel baker for a long time: we met at a bagel bakery. He would prefer I not bake, because he feels that if it isn't in the house, he won't eat it. Yet as I type this and smell a pumpkin loaf I have baking in the over, I am calm. The stress of the week has washed over me and the calmness of the smell of vanilla and baking dough is more effective on me than ativan.

Hmmm. Perhaps I am on to something.Not Febreeze, mind you, but genuine aromas available without a prescription. Coming to you soon..vanilla sugar followed by clean linen in a bottle.

Sign me up :D

Iced Coffee, Work, and a Hospice Chaser

I was going to try to get into my iced coffee( yes, real brewed, iced coffee) and got a phone call from my Mother's hospice physician. Talk about heartburn...lol


To quickly bring anyone new up to speed, my Mom had a stroke 2 weeks ago and it basically effected her left side. The only thing that really came back was her face, that initially had a bad droop on the left side. That is back to normal, but she has lost strength in her left arm, hand and leg.She had been pretty much bed-ridden due to the dementia prior to this, but now she's to be rotated in bed-that should give you an indication of how things are. Fortunately, her caregivers have taken good care of her, for bedsores really have not been a problem.


Then you click over to a hostile work environment, made so by many factors. I can trust maybe the amount of folks that I can count on one hand, but as Helen Gurley Brown always said,"Only God and the working girl look out for the working girl." Suffice it to say that I will be trying to pack my bags before they pack them here for me. Retirement is a pretty sweet word.


So, back to this brewed, Keurig Iced coffee....it's the only thing that has some comfort for me at THIS moment. Always nice to have a comfort corner when you need it :)

DIY iced instant coffee...

Was running late( yes, but thanks to titanium knees, not THAT late..lol) and made my own iced coffee this morning with International Coffee's French vanilla...not to shabby in a pinch, but not the same as brewed.It would be nice to have then energy to go out and actually put some together, but after 6 straight nights on Mom's sofa, well, maybe I'll try in a little bit.

Not the smallest gal in the sandbox...

My best friend called me last night to tell me about a woman who was wearing shorts that were, shall we say, extremely small on her extremely large frame.Economics aside, how can they do it? I mean, I know I am far from my "fighting weight" but am proud to say I am working on getting back there.Eighty thousand in new titanium knees better help! Don't people LOOK at mirrors AT THEMSELVES? Come on, folks, let's get some pride back...


Who's with me?

A tip of the hat to FN's Mike Symon

..who just happens to be my favorite Iron Chef on Iron Chef America . I got the newest Issue of Food Network magazine and what happens to be this month's FIFTY THINGS TO MAKE WITH....BACON!!!
IC Symon loves working with pork and when they had the NEXT IRON CHEF show and he was a contestant, I seem to remember him actually trying tom make a maple syrup/bacon ice cream combination . I can't help but wonder if FN forgets about Iron Chef America Devotees, because this could have been cross promoted all over the place. Even if FN is ticked off about him going on THE CHEW, they still should have given Chef Symon some spotlight on his love for bacon :) IMHO.

Food Network Star Finalist Vic Vegas& his jewelry

 I really enjoy this guy's presence on the show and I am sure the Food Network will reward him in some way with a show.


But a guy with a pierced lip?I mean, seriously, I am not THAT old(51) but to watch for 1/2 hour on TV someone with an earring coming out of his lower lip? Hell, I can't even hack it when I see someone in person -the piercings are a distraction.


It'll be interesting to see if Food Network, assuming that Vic is one of the final two,will make him lose the jewelry...for someone claiming his show would be entitled "Mama's Boy"', I can't help but wonder what Mom would say about is earring...lol

Food Network Star-after the fact

As I have been missing the next Food Network star show, I have been forced to either follow on Twitter or the morning after. All I have to say regarding the three finalists is only one thing: how many ways can you watch someone make a sandwich?


Just asking.... lol

Is there enough coffee??Iced or otherwise?

So my brother is on day 3 of his two week vacation at the Jersey shore and I am on night 4 of all Mom, all the time..I am starting to feel the sleep deprivation, so the Keurig is getting a good work out. The problem is knowing when to switch over to decaf so it doesn't screw up the upcoming night's sleep. Didn't realize I need a Masters' Degree in caffeine to keep my head down on a pillow and sleep.

Poor lonesome me...not

My Brother and his family are off for 2 weeks vacation to the Jersey Shore. My caregivers are few and far between right now so I am home for 2 weekends to take care of my Mom. I have a few hours off, so have come home to make a sick call to a neighbor, do some wash, and just have a wee bit of down time. Sent husband and girls to shore to enjoy themselves, so feeling like bachelor girl is a bit unusual for yours truly. Had some iced cappuccino to celebrate while watching a few good movies on cable...I guess this is living large for me, at least for a few hours..........

Alexandra Guarnaschelli-chef on TV Food Network

I love her!


Although, physically, I am probably more on the lines of Ina Garten, the Barefoot Contessa, I look at Alex Guarneschelli on the Food Network with envy. I joined a discussion on Facebook regarding the group of chefs that are up for the next Iron Chef. Someone had bad-mouthed Alex and I said of course she is stern on the show "Chopped", where she is a judge. I mean, excepting Paula Abdul on American Idol, judging isn't supposed to be giving out the " warm and fuzzies". I mentioned that on her FN show," Alex's Day Off", she feels like my friend in the kitchen, showing me how not necessarily to cook, but maybe to tweak recipes here and there. She has my twisted sense of humor and I appreciate her.


Maybe, just maybe, there's that little bit of me that watches her, green with envy, thinking, " I could do that!"


If only.....**sigh**

Lusting for Creamery Ice Cream

Although my brother was the one with a degree from Penn State, the course of many road trips with my parents always included a trip to Penn State's Creamery. 


It's kind of sad that in the days of watching cash and calories, the high point in our freezer is Hawaiian Punch freezer bars-50 calories for one. Usually the sweetness of the product is enough to tide you over...until you go to Face book....and the Creamery ALWAYS has a double scoop of their newest flavor. Shame it costs a boatload of cash to dry ice it and ship it to Philadelphia, but then maybe my hips would be triple their size....


Sometimes, a girl just can't win :(

In the midst of Keurig-itis to snap me awake...

My buddy, Denise, brought me some different Kcups to try and the one I am savoring right now is Green Mountain Limited Edition Island coconut....as I am a cream only girl, oh my gosh, it's like sipping on liquid coconut cream pie...mmmmm...thanks Denise!

Humid nights...cold coffee

It seems as when I have a night at Mom's in the summer, I am drawn to iced coffee to try to rev up my engine. You know, counteract the humidity, the tiredness...may try to make a stand and figure out how to really get a  decent iced coffee, or even make it myself......with the right amount of half &half in it, you can almost fantasize about how it almost tastes like Kahlua.


Dream on, lil' Dreamer.....

Beating down on my head

That is the weight of the world, or so it would seem.
Worried about Mom  and all that affects her...yet get stressed out enough that I actually collapsed  with exhaustion last night into bed.

If only my I could keep my mouth shut and have a corresponding loss of weight.

Caregiver blues

With my brother leaving Saturday for a two week vacation, wouldn't you know my 4-8PM coverage has  emergency issues that have come up. It is being covered today and I ended up going to hospice. They haven't gotten back to me yet, but I am hoping for 3, if not 4 hours of nursing aid skills from them. After that, it's any one's guess.


I look at other blogs and think, boy, I'd sure like to write about the lighter stuff in life, not this angst.


Well...maybe, someday.....**sigh**

Scary Ride

I had gotten a phone call on Monday mid-day that my Mom's left hand and corresponding fingers were swollen. We didn't know why: was it part and parcel of the stroke t hat she had the prior week or something new. I called the hospice and they sent her normal nurse over to check her out. No determination was made of the cause, and she ended up sleeping with the left hand on a pillow, raised. This is part of the decline that just keeps your heart in your throat, as you don't know what happens next.


I am so shot from worry and this Saturday begins my 2 week stint of Mom at night, so my brother can go on vacation.Hope I can get some sleep prior to this, or else the 10 pounds of coffee underneath each eye will easily go to 20 pounds.