Tired

So much of care giving, I don't care WHO you are doing it for,i.e., related or not, is tiring.Both physically and mentally, the fatigue is so overwhelming.

Now that my Mom has had her stroke, now I feel as there is a new dimension to the equation-that is, waiting for her to die.It's a terrible way to feel but you see her laying on the bed and you can only wonder when you see how terrible her coloring is. I am away from her right now,and this morning, while at Mass, I went over potential funeral music. Yet before you think I might be totally ghoulish,this is something that crosses my mind every once in a while during the past almost 4 years since she fell into dementia.

When one eventually gets past this point, I wonder how it will feel to return to life without waiting for life's perpetual moments.

Mom

...had a stroke this past Wednesday. She is home and there was really no reason to take her to the hospital as she is a hospice patient. Three and one half years of Mom as a dementia patient, and now this. It definitely feels as though we are moving toward the end. I know what is coming and mentally have braced myself for it but know it is going to hurt. I know she is long gone from being my Mom, but still, the fact that she is working her way to heaven has my heart with an ache that I know will never leave. I know, since I still feel the ache of 13 years ago when my Dad passed away.

No one said life would be easy. **sigh**

Stroke

My Mom suffered a stroke yesterday mid-day.

Never mind the fact that she has been bed-ridden for almost four years with dementia.
Now she has a droop to the left side of her face and is, if possible, less sharp than what she was.And she is scared-I know that I would be!

I pray for her every day, as she did for me,when I had my cancers. And she did, I know,the same for me every day.

It's the circle of life....

Tired of Drama

Went to Mass this weekend, where we had an excellent priest, whose sermon was quite brief. The gist of the message was to "be grateful". I wish some people I know would have been there, because , I swear, they aren't happy in this life unless they are creating, or in the midst of drama. I have enough balls in the air and really don't need drama to add to the stress.


I am grateful the music I am listening to right now is the Bee Gees from Saturday Night Fever.I am grateful people are leaving me alone so far. Is there some way we can work a desk into a drama-free zone? I can only hope...

What to feel the first time the next generation gets laid off....

My nephew just got a one week notice that he was laid off from a part time position.


I remember it well, my first lay off. It was a grocery chain, and being, I felt,the first person in the family to be humiliated by the experience, I went to the refrigerator and got a can of Miller light out and moodily drank it.
In this economy, my nephew was indeed lucky to have the position as long as he did. The question is;how do you encourage him that there are more out there with the situation looking so desperate? Hopefully, we'll have a few folks in our corner rooting for him...     

Post Vacation

My husband tried to tell me that we go down the shore every weekend, which is not always true.
It was so nice to have the extra day to ease into a state of tranquility and appreciate the fact that  I didn't have to rush through the weekend.

**sigh**

It's all good.

Yearly vacation

Last year we managed a three day weekend.
This year it is this weekend.


Oh,the joy of not sitting in bumper to bumper traffic.
Oh,the joy of sleeping in and then waking up,turning the pillow on the cool side.

It's great to catch a break once in a while.......

Heat

Hate it.
Give me October any day!

The man behind the curtain

Funny how in some government agencies, there always is a supervisor who thinks he runs the entire show. A guy who knows the whole wheel will stop if he is not in. He can not get along with employees and yet, they develop an entire section to justify his position. When he sends an email, this pompous blow hard puts the c in condescending.You know how, in the"Wizard of Oz", the Wizard says, " I am Oz, the great and powerful".


Must be nice to think you are all that, when, in fact, we, your co-workers, know you are NOT!

Death of a Droid

What horror!

My Droid "kissed" some spring water last week and long story short(rice included), I sat shiva for it over the weekend. I was the last of the people I know to go "techie" and now? OMG! What do I look at on the bus?How can I get clear radio reception at my desk?

Ordered a new phone: hopefully it will be here shortly and my DT's will be disappearing..LOL.

The T word

Managed to get away for a weekend respite and it's incredible on how tired you let yourself get. You have to have the right amount of food/sleep/execise /recreation/and alcohol to really make yourself feel ok.


Pardon me...need a nap :(

Weekend respite

In February 2010, we were fortunate enough to acquire a small property on Delaware Bay, in what I'd like to call in homage to former Philadelphia Bulletin/Inquirer writer Clark DeLeon as our" undisclosed location."

There isn't enough to be said about stepping into a private life away from everything. As a caregiver, you are constantly running -your life, your parent's life and business affairs, work..you get the drift. The ability to get away to relax is severely underrated. Just being able to recharge batteries and feel human, albeit for 72 hours, says much. The only problem is that I want to stay here and not go back...

Is that so wrong?  LOL

Hope"falls"eternal

When I went out this morning and waited for the bus, the air was in the high 60's with a slight breeze.


Prior to that we had been in a heatwave in the 90's and that translated into the air conditioner constantly being on.


I have always been one of those people who found sweating highly over-rated and could live with October temperatures ten months a year.


Bring it on!

Really????

A co-worker comes over and starts discussing the post-op health of a fellow co-worker.Her condition, according to the co-worker, has them literally losing half of a colon.


Uh, excuse me? Were you in the operating room? I mean, really? I happened to speak to the co-worker and know they are o.k.,but sore....half a colon? I don't think so.


I guess this is how "whisper down the lane" started.

"Nearer my God to thee..."

As an employee of a government agency that is often likened to the Titanic (except, to borrow the old joke, the only difference between this place and the Titanic is the Titanic had a better band...) who is mentally thisclose to early retirement(aka leaving a bureaucracy for a mindless job to pay major medical), I stumbled across the thought of this blog as my search for a small piece of sanity.In addition to my job,I also take care of a bed-ridden 88 year old mother with dementia who still lives at her home.I share her care-giving with my brother, so we switch off nights of sleeping up there to mom-sit. Throw in a middle 50-ish husband and 2 fur children, and there you have my title- "There is no sanity clause."


Hopefully, I'll find some before this is all over.